How to return gracefully, or Don't be a goddamned noob!

I'm not the sort of girl who's good at commitment.  The longest I've ever managed to stay continuously in one game was two years, and in that time I was also playing something like three other games.  I regularly take breaks from my MMOs, for anywhere from a month to three years.  Usually, it's drama that drives me off and big game changes that bring me back: expansions, class reviews, new races...  You know how it works.

Now, there's this negative stereotype of returning players that goes something like this:

*Joining Dungeon Group, Please Wait*

Priestard:  Hey guys!  I just came back from a million billion hours out of game.  It looks like a lot has changed!  Please be patient!

Group: *collective eyeroll*

*Roguetard has left the group.  Find new player?*

YOU: *click yes*  It's okay.  This dungeon is pretty easy.  Just don't stand in shit, and watch out for cures.  This expansion is brutal for that kind of crap.

 *Shamwow has joined the group*

 YOU: Okay people, we've got a newbie in the group, so let's take it easy and just get through is.  Kay?  [Time passes, shit dies, OOMs happen, but it's cool because shit dies.]  Here we are, kids, Awesome Boss Dude.  Remember to watch the cures, Priestard.

Priestard: Duh.  I'm on it!  I'm not a noob or anything.  Just taking time to get into it.

*Awesome Boss Dude's Easily Dispellable Detriment has anally violated YOU for WTFPWN points of I Told You So damage!  Awesome Boss Dude has killed YOU*

YOU: What's up, man?  I told you to watch the cures.

 Priestard: I did cure.  You just suck.  I was a hardcore raider when I quit and I know what I'm doing.  God, people are such assholes in this game any more.  Fuck you all, I hope you die IRL from genetically modified syphilis eating your BRAINS and your balls fall off.

*Priestard has left the group.*

 Shamwow : Dude, way to be a dick.

*Shamwow  has left the group.*

Basically, people expect you to think you know a lot more than you know, and then be all touchy when they try to correct you.  Rule number one of returning gracefully is:

You know nothing, John Snow.

It doesn't matter how famous you were back in the day, or how hardcore you were, or if you were in fifteen phases of early alpha.  All players are going to care about when you encounter them ingame is what you know and can do NOW.  Accept that on Day 1 you're going to have out-dated information.  Don't wave your peen around until it's not all shriveled and flaccid.  If you think you know something and you're called on being wrong, just accept that your information is out-dated.  Don't rage all over people about being assholes for calling you out if they're trying to help.  And if they're actually being assholes about it, deal with it.  Either there's no saving them from their innate assholitry, or you were being a dickweed to begin with and deserve all the punishment you get.

Your Day 1 procedure, while you're reinstalling and patching, getting your account sorted, and figuring out where the hell your guild wandered off to this time, should also include class research.  As a returning player, you're guaranteed that your game's matured at least to the point of having a couple reliable fansites, and where there are fans, there are fanbois who think they are the leet masters of this particular digital universe.  Find a cookie-cutter spec for your class, read some of the basic guides posted, and check to see who on the forums actually knows what they're talking about.  Then look up their characters and compare to the cookie cutters you've found.  Often, you can figure out what's good and what's not, and what's changed just by looking at existing specs and the arguments over what's broken.

If you're going back for an expansion or level cap increase, your first instinct will be to start grinding your ass off to get back to max level.  This is usually a decent idea, but sometimes can backfire on you.  If there have been significant changes to game mechanics, stat balancing, gear structure, or even just your class, you will probably want to consult the forums and work through some older content before pressing on.  If you've missed multiple expansions, there may be quests or gear you need from the interim expansions before you can get to the current content.

Case in point: Everquest 2

Every expansion, EQ2 either introduces a small mountain of gameplay changes, AAs, and some new zones or they raise the level cap and add some little stupid AA bullshit.  Either way, you're looking at some re-learning and grinding to do.  I quit near the end of Destiny of Velious, when I found out that the upcoming expansion Age of Discovery was not going to include new overland zones or raise the level cap.  It quite literally was just a features update, and I didn't feel like spending my money on that.  The newest expansion, Chains of Eternity, both raised the level cap and introduced new areas.  Between the two expansions, I have several new systems to learn, another offshoot of my class's mythical quest line and its followup, and a ton of crafting faction/recipe finding to get out of the way.  They've also completely changed Qeynos and Freeport, the two main player cities, and turned my tank class of choice from the joke of the game to the best raid tank.  (Go figure, I stop playing my monk and they get buffed out the ass.)  Somewhere in the mix, they've also changed aggro mechanics, possibly twice.

TL/DR: I've got to work my way through at least part of the AoD stuff so I can figure out the new systems like Mercenaries and Tradeskill Apprentices before I can even think about getting into Chains of Eternity content.  I've also got to re-learn how to tank, and figure out how the changes they've made to my class impact my gameplay.  Standards and expectations have shifted, and players in CoE content will be expected to have completed whatever was in the previous expansion, as far as prestige abilities and alternate advancements go.  Until my characters meet those minimum standards, I should not put myself in a position to waste people's time.

Which brings us to rule number two of Returning Gracefully:

Wise man shut the fuck up and read patch notes.  Learn many things.

In order to know where to start, you have to know what the current minimum expectations are for you.  If you want to know THAT, you have to read the goddamned patch notes, state of the class posts, and all that good stuff.  It can be a daunting task, but if you want to make a seamless transition back into your game without looking like an asshat, pissing people off, and needing to transfer/name change a month down the road you'll take my advice.

Coming up next:  More fabulous tips of badassitude for making a good impression when you finally dive back into the community.  Or possibly more bitching about my move.  Maybe both!  ^.~  See you then.