Totally an original post, right? Everyone loves lists, and I'm sure plenty of people have already written this list. If I stop myself every time one of my totally awesome ideas has already been done though, I'll never do anything. This is the internet, and nothing anyone does is original. Ever. Even when it is. (Figure that one out.)
So! I have been in a lot of guilds in my day, and while I do not consider myself a serial guild hopper, my raiding resume says otherwise. These are the top ten things I've hated about pretty much every guild I've ever been in*.
*that I didn't run myself
10.
You're cliquey - We are a friendly, helpful guild that loves to do quests and raids as a group! As long as you're already in our established circle of friends. If not, good luck have fun getting in on a run. We might loop you in if someone gets sick, is going through a messy break-up, or gets hacked. Unless you're a tank. Are you a tank? Please tank for us until we no longer need you!
9.
You're never around - We're seeking active, dedicated members! Especially ones that don't mind that there are basically only ever two people online, and you're one of them. We have better, more important things to do than contribute to our guild bank, guild xp, achievements, or progression. Like alt guilds, and Pinterest.
8.
You're lazy - We maintain a well-stocked guild bank that's accessible to all members! Just keep in mind that not a damn person in this guild replaces what they take, so odds are if you need it, it won't be there. Unless you put it there yourself. And even if you do, someone will
probably take it before you can manage to switch to your alt and pull it out again.
7.
You're the opposite of helpful - Our members are veteran players, and always happy to answer questions and help new recruits. Just don't expect anything more than a "read the forums" or "go to this guide site" from them. Their time is important, and they've already put in your dues. Shut up and read the guide. If you're still having problems, find a different guide. Any issues after that are just because you're a failure as a human being, and not worth the investment it would take to make you a productive member of society. Keep asking questions, and we'll either ninja-ignore you or guild kick you. On the rare occasions that we do offer help- it's completely and utterly fucking wrong, because ->
6.
You're noobs - We expect the absolute best from our members, and hold our raiders to a high standard. Because let's face it; we need someone with two brain cells that can carry us. We stand in fire, we fail to click buttons, we don't move in combat, and under no circumstances do we ever use cooldowns or consumables. If there aren't YouTube videos, monosyllabic instructions, and crayon diagrams of the fight, we can't even figure out which end of our weapons to point at the mobs.
5.
You're trolls - Members are expected to always represent the guild in a positive light, and be respectful in guild chat as well as public channels. Except, you know, on days ending in -y, when political or religious discussions crop up, and when loot is involved. Then please, agitate, agitate, agitate. Because it's all in good fun, right? People only ask you to stop because they want you to keep going.
4.
Your guild leader's a twat - He's a guild leader, so he's important, right? He is your daddy, your husband, your generalissimo, your president, and your benevolent dictator. In all honesty, he sees himself as your owner, and the whole guild is just here to gear his toons and keep their tradeskills fed. He takes things from the guild bank at will, never replaces them, and pockets the proceeds from everything he crafts or loots from guild materials/on guild time. And it's okay, because he's the guild leader. When he opens his mouth, all the world stops to listen. Oh, and he never hesitates to remind you who exactly is in charge.
3.
You wouldn't know hardcore if it bit you in the ass- Raiding twice a week is not hardcore, no matter how serious you think you are. Your raid leader screaming like he's warming up for a metalcore concert? Does not make you hardcore. A DKP system? Also does not make you hardcore. If the debuffs have hit, and you're not at least partway into progression? You are not hardcore. And at this point, I think I need to just write another list for things that are not hardcore, because this could go on for a while.
2.
You are about as casual as a fucking tuxedo- If you expect me to be on more than six hours a day, five days out of the week, you are not a casual guild. If you are hounding me constantly about whether I've completed this achievement or that, or what my item level is, or how much progress I've made towards my weekly contributed XP goal, or how close I am to capping out my tradeskills... you are the opposite of laid-back. Nagging is not stress free. It's not attractive in a woman, and it's sure as shit not attractive in a guild. Also, stop texting me, motherfuckers.
1.
You're so sensitive! - No really. It's not personal. Seriously, guys. I say things because I want to help fix them, not because I think you're all a bunch of t- Okay. I DO think you're all a bunch of twats, but the reason I'm pointing it out is that I want to help. See the difference? I'm not trying to be offensive here, I'm just stating a fact. Believe it or not, I'm here to get something done, just like you. It's in my best interests to help you progress as much as I'd like for you to help me progress. It's a give and take. Symbio- No, you know what? Fuck you. You're never around, you don't fucking do anything when you are around, and god forbid someone suggests you like...actually play smart for a change. Or take responsibility for your mistakes. I'm done. Good fucking luck with your "hardcore progression" dumbass. Have you EVER raided without your hand being held or a spoon in your mouth? I hope you get syphilis.
